A Difficult Road Traveled

Grief is a difficult emotion to pocket. It spills out and pours over you when you least expect it. A memory flashes across your mind and floods you with feelings. Every morning at sunrise, I would text Dolly a rise and shine message and she in return would comment on Mount Illuminous or Callie. She always appreciated me reaching out and checking in on her. In hindsight, I am blindsided at how much suffering she felt and endured and kept it all to herself. Dolly committed suicide one afternoon when I was suppose to take her out for lunch. I won’t go into detail about it but I have come to accept her decision and appreciative that she isn’t suffering anymore. Having been laid off at the age of 65 and with little social security and the high cost of healthcare in the United States, she felt hopeless.

We made it up to Rancho Lake Cuyamaca yesterday before noon and escaped the grueling heat and arrived to temperatures in the high 70’s. What a difference compared to 109! I drive the RV with Callie at my side and Michael drove the SUV. It is only an hour and a half away so having another mobile vehicle will make the trip even better. Our friend, Fred may try and join us.

Callie and I walked to the lake shore this morning and she is so happy to be back. I can still hear Canadian Geese chatting amongst themselves and there are jet black Starlings and Blue-Jays and one nervous Golden Flicker. Red-winged Blackbirds are busy catching insects for their young and aren’t as busy singing as they were in the spring. The Bald Eagle pair have nested and can be seen hunting for fish on the opposite shore of where we are camped. Fisherman are catch and releasing the female Big Mouth Bass that are getting ready to lay eggs and they are flirting with the males to help fertilize them. These girls reach 16 plus pounds and are caught in shallow water. Once a photograph is taken, they are put back into the water with tails thrashing and gills gasping. It is unlawful to keep them at this time, so it is rather interesting to observe the patience and determination of the fisherman. They use rubber trout for bait that in and of themselves are 10 inches long.

After Callie’s photo opt, she and I walked slowly back to the RV with her taking alternate turns sniffing the flowers and grasses and rolling in the dirt. It is such a big change from the desert. Michael and I will go on a bike ride mid-morning and that should perk me up a little. I still feel flattened by Dolly’s death, but time should heal the pain.

6 thoughts on “A Difficult Road Traveled

  1. curioussteph June 5, 2018 / 5:02 pm

    Grief is a journey, on tempestuous and unpredictable seas. Keep surfing! What a beautiful place you are visiting.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Gary Walton June 6, 2018 / 2:52 am

    “A memory flashes across your mind and floods you with feelings.” The loss of your friend has stirred up many memories for me. I don’t think grief ever ends although at times it abates.

    Liked by 1 person

    • sevenfauesisters June 6, 2018 / 2:56 am

      Very touching! This loss was close to my heart. She was just one of those people you meet once in a lifetime. I am moving forward though and concentrating on my photography. It helps to stay creative.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Lana Cole June 6, 2018 / 10:40 am

    A lovely post. I’ve lost someone very close to me to suicide, and it’s been several years but one of your comments really resonated with me. I just didn’t know how much my brother was suffering and keeping it all to himself.
    I’m sorry for your loss.

    Liked by 1 person

    • sevenfauesisters June 6, 2018 / 1:32 pm

      It seems to me that many people are touched by suicide. Thank you for sharing your story. It is painful but I certainly don’t feel alone in my grief, and nor should you.

      Liked by 1 person

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